One Autistic Person

If you spend some time exploring the Autistic community, you are bound to come across the truism, 

"If you've met one autistic person, then you've met one autistic person."

Love it. Great saying. Classic example of autistic humor, changing the expectation of "then you've met them all" into something much more accurate. I especially love that it speaks to autism being a multidimensional spectrum condition that expresses itself so many different ways. This has been part of our community long before the current DSM labeling.

There's a dark side to this saying, though. Some use it to silence actually autistic voices. "Autistic people are not a monolith. Your experience is not our experience."

These voices come from both within and without. They are in direct opposition to individual autistic persons speaking their lived experiences and sharing their reflections and thoughts. Sometimes it is internalized ableism, sometimes it is a trauma-reaction to feeling different excluded from the first place someone has felt they belonged, and sometimes it is from folks with an agenda of keeping autistic experiences isolated and down so they can speak over and for us. 

At this time, imagine me badly faking a cough while saying, "Autism Speaks" and "Autism Moms™".

(Reminder: "Autism Moms™" does not refer to mothers of autistic children, but is a pejorative phrase specifically referring to mothers and carers of autistic persons who promote anti-autistic and even pro-filicide messages, who speak against their own children, and who believe they understand autism better than any autistic person does. The name comes from the unrecognized irony of them objecting to identity-first language such as "autistic person" decrying that "autism does not define you!" while simultaneously building their identity around the fact they have a disabled child.)  

The complement to the "if you've met one autistic person..." saying is that the more autistic and neurodivergent persons we meet, the more we share and pay heed to each other's truths and lived experiences, then the more we can understand ourselves and the more we can accept our own truths as well as the truths of each other.

The more we know of each other, the more we can know ourselves.

The purpose of ethnographies is to reflect upon lived experiences and share those reflections; through examination of the individual, we can learn more of the whole. The more stories shared, the more complete picture we can have of what it means to be autistic. The more we can be understood, the more we can be accepted and included.

My story, my autoethnography, is only part of the picture. Yet, some of it may overlap with yours, or with the picture of others you know and love. Even through the parts that do not overlap, we gain a more complete vision of our shared story. 

The conclusions drawn from my story and the stories I know may be directly applicable to you or may contribute to new conclusions, both ones that might be different and ones that are extensions.

Autoethnographies (some autistic autoethnographers like the wordplay autie-ethnographies) are much more appropriate than ethnographies in those cases where one cannot understand the experience of the individual member of the group from outside of the group. This is why autoethnographies have become such an important and valued type of research in not just Disability Studies, but also in Race Studies, Gender Studies, Queer Studies, and more.

A long time ago, there was a Latin phrase that was rather important in the Kingdom of Poland, "nihil novi nisi commune consensu", which, as I understand it, means "nothing new without common consent". 

This is a phrase that has echoed throughout history in some form or another, such as: 

• England's Magna Carta (which predates Poland's movement by a few hundred years) that limited the powers of the King—specifically, the bad guy in the Robin Hood legends—and called into question the Divine Right of Kings Theory; 
  
  
• America's "No taxation without representation" (following-up on the expansion of the Magna Carta with the 1689 English Bill of Rights which guaranteed representation in Parliament); and,
  
  
• The modern phrase which came to Disability Rights by way of South Africa in the 1990s, "Nothing about us without us".

"Nothing about us without us" became a rallying cry for Disability Rights Advocates in the 90s and has since spread to other marginalized groups. The idea is that we deserve to have a say in our own lives. It must not be overlooked that the story we are told today is that South African advocates picked this motto up from an international disability rights conference and then ran with it. These advocates worked alongside others outside our community to end Apartheid. How much does this idea resonate throughout history in all realms of oppression?

Autoethnographies, telling one's own stories, analyzing anecdotes for what can be expanded to help others, this is one way we take back our voice and speak our truths. This is the way I take. This is why I write and share my story.

The hashtag, #ActuallyAutistic, seems to have been created in direct response to those outside forces that seek to control and dictate our lives. They traditionally advance themselves as an expert on autism for knowing or working with autistic persons and we reply, "Well, I am *actually* autistic, and ..."

A hypothetical example of the sort of conversation that it represents:

Allistic person: My family member with autism needs to be restrained and punished for stimming.

Autistic response: Well, I'm actually autistic and if you let them stim or found stims that worked for them without self-harm, it's likely you wouldn't need to restrain them which can also lead to death, by the way. 

As our community grows and more folks outside of our community start acknowledging what we share, there is backlash. The groups and individuals who are arrayed against us, frequently with multi-million dollar backings and influence we do not have, adopt our language and jargon without the nuance of its meaning and use it against us. They cloak themselves in our language and continue their mission of oppression and eugenics while denying the atrocity.

I bring this up because there have been bad actors (with unclear associations, but usually identity themselves as being non-autistic) who regularly troll our hashtags and try to co-opt or invade our spaces. In the last year or two, I have also seen a push from autistic individuals to start using #AllAutistics instead of #ActuallyAutistic. I am not opposed to the hashtag, but I am opposed to getting rid of the other one or implying that it is a tag that excludes autistic individuals. We do not need to do the work of anti-autism organizations; we are not a monolith, but neither should we be splintered and turn on each other. 

#ActuallyAutistic is already inclusive of all autistics. Truly, it is not even meant to be exclusive of allistics, but rather act as a statement of our validity and expertise on ourselves. I welcome allistics to listen to our stories, to pay attention to what we have to say, to amplify our voices. Just do not speak over us. Do not twist our words to advance anti-autistic policies.

My advice is to do what makes you feel safe before anything else. If you are autistic, then you are a part of the Autistic community, but just like Allistic people and Neurotypical people, Autistic people contain the full spectrum of humanity. It is true that a "strong sense of justice" tends to be a characteristic of autistic persons, but we can also be misled or oriented in the wrong direction. 

We are human.

Evil thrives in silence and ignorance. The more we know, then the more equipped we can be to make the choice that is most right for ourselves without harming others.

Autistic members who make other autistic persons feel excluded, take note of what is being said, analyze yourself, and if you are excluding, fix that as best as you can. Apologize when you are wrong. 

There are so many of us who start from less than nothing when it comes to knowing about our shared identity. Reading and listening to our stories lets the truth become more tangible and pass on our experience to folks newly discovering their neurodivergence. The conclusions we can draw from our stories become more accurate and definite. Evidence piles up despite the resistance it faces from our oppressors.

Even dust can pile up to become a mountain, but thankfully we are building on the foundation of those who have come before. We face backlash as we progress, but we continue progressing. 

And the autistic, neurodivergent, and disabled persons who follow us get to inherit the repository of our culture and shared experiences, our missteps and mistakes, our victories and advancements.

Further, those who are at the intersection of multiple marginalized identities have more voices to draw from, more chances for a story to be close to their story, for our experiences to be a part of their picture.

Community is the complement and solution to egotism.

My story is full of things I wish I had known about myself earlier; there are conclusions I can make now that I did not know enough about to even consider before. 

My conclusions may not be universally applicable, but by sharing, I'm giving you everything I have now. If you are new, you can start where I am, if you are already past me, you can look back and see the paths I took which you did not. Through community, we level up. 

And through sharing our stories, we become closer to individuals outside of our communities  being able to understand. The more others can understand us, the easier it becomes for them to accept and welcome us.

I'll keep saying it for as long as I need to: "One autistic person" is not meant to be a magic incantation to shut down individuals. Rather, it is the opposite: it is telling everyone to seek out others, to experience the diversity of our community, to learn and understand.

Most of this article has been focused on and stemming from positions and movements I came to know through the Autistic community, but as I have hopefully hinted at, we are all parts of multiple communities and it applies to those too. 

I am an ADHDer. I am neurodivergent. I am disabled. I am nonbinary. I am white. Those are all things that are an inviolable and inescapable part of me. Through living and growing, other parts of me have come to be. I have PTSD and C-PTSD. I am in bereavement. I have depression. I am compulsively honest. I am "extra". I live with chronic pain. I'm pale. I love mathematics and learning.

TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read): 

Some say that because my story is different, I should shut up. Rather, it is because my story is different that you should listen. 

Our diversity is a strength, not a weakness.

Thank you for reading. I hope you will help me speak my truth by amplifying my voice. If you'd like to contribute more directly, as well as receive articles before everyone else and exclusive content, please visit my ko-fi:

If you have the wherewithal, please share your story when and where you can. You may be just one person, but your voice is part of our picture, and your voice may be the voice another needs to hear.